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Today was one of those days where I got a good hard painful look at how much ego plays into my sense of well being. In the midst of so much to be thankful for, I find that I am much too quick to ask myself if I am a good daughter, a good wife, a good mother, a good daughter-in-law. If the answer is no, then there follows so much pain, so much hurt, so much sense of loss. Those questions sound innocent enough, but really there is so much beneath those self-reflective tendencies that really are all about ego. Can I feel good about myself today because I have been good?
The hardest thing to come back to over and over is to let myself discover the truth again that Christ has died that I don't have to try to be what I cannot be in this body on this earth--perfect. He is the perfect one. He came to live perfectly for me so that I can find satisfaction in Him. But why then is it so painful to face that I am not always or most of the time able to be good in the roles in my life? Why does that hurt so much? I guess because the hardest person to disappoint is myself. I want so much to find what it is for Christ to live in me. But I want so much to avoid the fact that for Him to live I must die. No shortcuts. No pleasant painless route to that life in Christ. Only death.
I hope today for those of you who had a painful reminder like I did that the person who usually crashes the party of my expectations is myself, remember today that there is one who was willing to crash into the messy business of living as a human being to save us. One who was willing to be housed in a barn with hay and leave the perfection of heaven that I we might have hope of a restored relationship with a perfect God. A God who is willing to take on imperfection and clothe Himself with humility that I might be clothed with righteousness. He is today and forever God with Us. Oh Come Let Us Adore Him, Christ the Lord!
